Whenever I heard someone talk about “self-love,” I couldn't fully understand what they meant. And when I was younger, I didn't even know that I didn't know. Like, I understood the words. I just couldn't really comprehend what loving yourself actually meant.
I've dealt with depression and anxiety all my life. Last year I started on meds for my issues, and I was talking about my life and experiences with ChatGPT. I can't afford $100–400 an hour for therapy, wtffff, and there are so many interlocking contexts and backgrounds that explaining everything feels like it would take more than a year. So, anyways. I was doing a lot of thinking about myself.
Around that time, my cousin came back from a trip to Korea and gifted me a three-piece skincare set from The Saem. I was sooooo thankful he'd even thought of me. I didn't want the money he'd spent to go to waste, so I started using it regularly, morning and night.
I'd always been interested in skincare, even with depression. Before that, my routine was basically cleanse, if I could even be bothered to cleanse, and moisturize. I'd use whatever seemed good or whatever influencers recommended, and the products I kept using either failed my expectations or just weren't right for my skin.
But idk what it was about that set. It felt really good to use. I kept going, and I started noticing my skin looking brighter instead of dull. The marks from acne were getting less noticeable, too. I think they're pretty much gone now!! Seeing those changes made me want to understand my skin better and put more effort into looking after it.
I couldn't find the set in Canada or anywhere I could import it from, so I started looking for alternatives. I took photos of my face from different angles and used ChatGPT to help me research products. That gift really kickstarted my interest in figuring out what worked for me.
I'm very grateful to my cousin. He offered me a medium, something I already had an interest in that I could build a healthy habit around. It was up to me to care about myself. And kudos to me for actually following through and sticking with that routine day and night. I want to give myself credit for that.
Because I felt good after doing my skincare. Yes, I like looking good, and seeing results was exciting. My skin also just felt blessed, you know?? I was taking care of it. I was doing something for myself that felt good in a health, looking-after-myself sort of way.
And that's when “loving yourself” finally made sense to me. Taking care of myself is loving myself. I could understand it through something I was actually doing and experiencing.
Having a routine helped me, and I still leave room for the fact that not every product needs to be an everyday commitment. Some nights I'll use a serum if I can be bothered. I'm not perfect, and I'm not trying to become some plastic-perfect influencer.
If I force myself through a strict twelve-step routine I don't enjoy, I'm going to lose motivation. I want to keep enjoying the process. That matters to me, and it connects to how I think about design, too. What does a product actually feel like to use? How much does it ask of someone? With that set, enjoying the experience helped me keep coming back. I think that's worth paying attention to when we're making things people are supposed to use in their real lives.
Regret used to give me so much material to put myself down with. I should've done this. I should've done that. One of the breakthroughs I had during my mental health glow-up last year was realizing that the present is actually what matters. I can keep going over everything I wish I'd done earlier, or I can do something for myself now.
I do want to age gracefully and comfortably, with as little physical pain as possible. That's a hope I have for my life as a whole. Skincare is one small part of looking after myself; it can't guarantee how I'll age. I want to feel that I've cared for myself along the way, without turning everything I missed into another reason to put myself down.
I'm honestly kind of grateful for some of the hardships I went through earlier in my life. I know more about my tolerance because of what I've experienced. At the same time, I feel like there are a lot of positive emotions and feelings I haven't experienced much, and I'm learning about those bit by bit.
Enjoying the feeling of taking care of myself is part of that. I want to let myself have it. I can be grateful for what got me started, proud that I stuck with it, and still leave room for my routine to fit the person I actually am.